What is emotional neglect?
Parental emotional neglect of a child is a relatively common phenomenon and one that is harder to define than other forms of abuse such as physical or sexual (NSPCC, 2011). Emotional abuse may present differently within different families and many parents will not intend to cause harm. Parenting styles which may have the potential to cause neglect include:
- Parents with narcissistic traits
- Parents who were neglected themselves as children
- Parents struggling with mental health issues, addiction or those frequently unavailable due to working long hours
- Parents who are extremely strict or have very high standards for education or another activity
While each of these scenarios may present as a very different childhood, the harm is usually caused by a parent who is distracted by their own issues or striving for perfection. This means that the child’s emotional needs are not prioritised and may be frequently invalidated.
How can childhood emotional neglect present in adulthood?
The impact of childhood emotional abuse can reach far into adulthood (NSPCC, 2011). After experiencing emotional neglect children may grow up into adults who struggle with a variety of concerns.
Emotions
Without an adequate template in childhood on how to manage emotions, emotionally neglected children may grow into adults who struggle to acknowledge, trust or manage their emotions. Shame can be a particular problem for survivors of neglect and specialist support may be helpful.
Low self-esteem
Without feelings of unconditional love, self-esteem may be low in adulthood. Such adults may also be critical of themselves or fear criticism from others.
Relationships
Relationships in childhood may have been superficial, inattentive or abusive. Therefore, adults may struggle to feel worthy of a relationship, to fear interdependence or feel lost without a significant other.
Perfectionism
If, as a child, worth was defined in terms of academic, sporting or skill competence, such adults may either feel incapable of achieving anything or strive for perfectionism. Sometimes this perfectionism causes problems throughout life, while at others it is an adaptive coping strategy until burnout is experienced.
Seeking help as an adult
Sometimes emotional abuse experienced as a child only becomes evident as a result of a specific experience in adulthood, such as entering a new relationship, starting a new job or becoming a parent. At times like these it is easy to focus only on the current situation and disregard previous experiences, however, thinking about childhood and the impact these have on adult relationships and behaviours can be an important step to addressing present difficulties. Depending on your specific current difficulties, therapy may help you to:
- Process the impact of your childhood experiences
- Better identify and acknowledge your needs to yourself and to others
- Help you recognise and work through feelings of shame, develop self-care strategies and feel compassion towards yourself
- Help you to manage your emotions or express anger appropriately
Reference
NSPCC: Radford, L., Corral, S., Bradley, C., Fisher, H., Bassett, C., Howat, N., & Collishaw, S. (2011). Child abuse and neglect in the UK today. Retrieved from: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/research-reports/child-abuse-neglect-uk-today-research-report.pdf