Following on from our previous blog on exam stress, this blog considers self-harm which is a strategy that some teenagers use to manage difficult situations, including exam stress. At Morency, support can be offered to both individuals who are self-harming and their parents, if required.
What is self-harm?
Self-harming behaviours are any behaviours which cause deliberate physical harm to oneself. Often this can take the form of cutting the skin, however, burning, hair-pulling, scratching and taking substances or poisons are also forms of self-harm. Self-harming behaviours are not usually related to a desire to end one’s life, nor are the individuals ‘attention seeking’. Instead, such behaviours are often a way of coping with overwhelming emotions.
Teenager girls, in particular, have high rates of self-harm (The Guardian, 2017). This may be due to the particular challenges that they face, including exam stress, forming relationships, puberty and family dynamics. Additionally, teenagers are usually still in the process of developing their emotional regulation and coping skills and often struggle more than adults to problem solve.
Why do people self-harm?
The reasons for self-harm are often complex and therapy is often helpful for gaining an understanding. Self-harm is often accompanied by low self-esteem and the experiencing of difficult emotions. Some common reasons include:
- Managing emotions: releasing emotional pain, anxiety or stress
- Escaping emotions: focusing on self-harm can distract some people from their painful feelings
- To punish themselves for perceived mistakes or flaws
- To feel in control if their life feels out of control
How to support someone who is self-harming
Realising that a loved one, for example a daughter or son, is self-harming can be a very difficult experience and one that is difficult to know how best to deal with. Parents may feel many different emotions including fear, disgust, guilt, anger, hopelessness, sadness or complete confusion. To best support someone who is self-harming, firstly avoid punishing them for their behaviour and express your love, understanding and support for them and their difficulty. Try to be a good listener and avoid immediate problem solving, your teen may want to be heard more than have their problem solved. Understand that your teen is likely to be using self-harm as a coping strategy and will be unable to stop immediately. Instead of entering a battle with them, do your best to keep them safe and explore alternatives, which can include talking the problem through and developing emotional regulation skills.
Seeking therapy for self-harm
If you are self-harming yourself, or a loved one is, it may be difficult to resolve without a skilled professional help. Ideally, the individual who is engaging in self-harm should receive one-to-one therapy, with, if appropriate, a parent sometimes being involved in the sessions.
If your teen is self-harming and is struggling to engage in therapy it may still be helpful for you, their parent, to attend and learn skills to best support them and discuss your own feelings.
References
The Guardian (2017). Retrieved from: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/oct/18/self-harm-girls-aged-13-to-16-rose-68pc-three-years